It has been a while since I have written but no news is good news, right? :) A week after the first treatment, I felt completely back to normal--no hunger or headaches. My energy has been back as well as the belly I lost. I have been busy Xmas shopping, cooking, cleaning, and spending time with the kids. After getting accustomed to a full week of both moms cooking and cleaning for us day and night, we were rudely awakened with the return of "normal life" and having to clean up after ourselves. It was hard to admit that we really didn't need the extra help anymore (although there were times of weakness when we still called on Elt's mom to help us clean, haha).
Liam just turned 1 over the past week. Even though he's 1, he's still a baby in my eyes because he can't physically do a lot of things that Aidan could do at his age. Liam just started crawling on all fours a day before his birthday so he's finally getting around the house more without his walker. He's actually just discovered the fun of opening/closing doors, although he's trapped himself in the bathroom a couple of times. It's like a new world opened up to him since he couldn't really get into things as much in his walker.
On Friday, my hair finally started falling out. I don't know what it is with Fridays but that was the same day I was told about the cancer as well as the day I get my chemo treatments. I think I have probably lost about a 1/3 of my hair so far but it's only slightly noticeable. If I run my fingers through my hair, I can get quite a bit come out. Kinda like after having childbirth when your hair starts coming out again except it's continuous throughout the day, not just after a shower. My plan was to shave my head when it started falling out because it takes less than a week to be bald, but it's definitely easier said than done. You can't help thinking a)Maybe it won't all come out, and b)It doesn't look that bad yet. I know I have to do it before Friday because I have chemo and I don't want to deal with my hair while not feeling well but I will put it off for as long as I can. I guess it'll be the first visible sign of being a cancer patient and nobody wants to walk around with that tatooed on their forehead. Whenever it does happen, I will promise that I will not be one of those old guys with like 4 strands of hair combed over from ear to ear and have it flap wildly around in the wind. Somebody better arrange an intervention if that happens!
J
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Hunger Strikes
It has almost been a week since my first treatment and I am feeling much better. After the first two days of staying in bed and eating only congee and banana, I have been regaining strength every day. Yesterday, I went to drop Aidan off at school and did a stroll through the mall. I have a constant feeling of the onset of a headache or sinus pain but it is tolerable without having to take any meds. Besides needing an afternoon nap during the day, my energy level is pretty good and I am sleeping well at night (when Liam doesn't wake me up).
The other thing that has been pretty good is my appetite. Although I can't eat a huge amount in one sitting, I am hungry quite often so I have been eating up a storm. The hunger is very much like pregnancy hunger in that it's in the pit of your stomach, and it's an emptiness that needs to be filled immediately. When you are pregnant, you can eat food you crave but then feel sick afterwards. However with chemo, I don't feel sick after eating so pretty much anything goes! Elt has been keeping a watchful eye on the food supply and is always prepared to whip up something in a hurry when he hears me hollering. I have been "snacking" on curry chicken, lasagna, pizza, sub sandwich, macaroni and soup, veggie soup with rice, fish and chips, fruit pops, dumplings, and even quesadillas! Pretty random things in general but just filling up on whatever's available. I still have lost a couple of pounds so I know how much I have to eat to keep up with my body's constant need for energy. Since there's no worry about gaining weight, I'm going to take what I can get and enjoy eating what I want. Now I better head off to bed before I get hungry again...
J
The other thing that has been pretty good is my appetite. Although I can't eat a huge amount in one sitting, I am hungry quite often so I have been eating up a storm. The hunger is very much like pregnancy hunger in that it's in the pit of your stomach, and it's an emptiness that needs to be filled immediately. When you are pregnant, you can eat food you crave but then feel sick afterwards. However with chemo, I don't feel sick after eating so pretty much anything goes! Elt has been keeping a watchful eye on the food supply and is always prepared to whip up something in a hurry when he hears me hollering. I have been "snacking" on curry chicken, lasagna, pizza, sub sandwich, macaroni and soup, veggie soup with rice, fish and chips, fruit pops, dumplings, and even quesadillas! Pretty random things in general but just filling up on whatever's available. I still have lost a couple of pounds so I know how much I have to eat to keep up with my body's constant need for energy. Since there's no worry about gaining weight, I'm going to take what I can get and enjoy eating what I want. Now I better head off to bed before I get hungry again...
J
Sunday, November 14, 2010
First Day of School
Just like all first days of school, even though you are prepped with schedules and programs, nothing ever turns out as expected. First, I had an appointment for a chest x-ray and a ECG. These were totally different departments and I needed to check-in at both places. The chest x-ray was easy, get yourself into a gown and stand in front of a plastic board and get your picture taken. Took 1 minute. Then I went across the hall for the ECG which tests your heart for any abnormalities. Again, get undressed and put a towel on your chest. I lay there as a technician places small black stickers on different parts of my body--legs, arms, breast, and chest. Then she takes out this power bar with octopus arms that have clips on the ends of the wires to attach to the stickers on my body. I hold still for a second and it's over.
A half hour break and we're back in another area of the building to meet my oncologist who switched offices from my last visit. She pops in to tell me that my CT scan was clear (yea, only cancer in the breast!!--As Jackie says, this is our twisted humour these days), and if I minded talking to her resident first. Of course, I had to remove my top yet again for the third time, cause who doesn't want to take a look?! So in our discussion with the resident, we find out that the handout that outlined my treatment was the WRONG handout given to me! The original 15 months of chemo that was in the handout should've been only 6 months! To give some background, my chemo cocktail is called ACD. However, they have two handouts, a ACD, and a ACDT. Well, tack on that T and it adds 9 months to the treatment so again, I celebrated, "Yea, only 6 months of chemo!!" So my oncologist said that everything looks well in my heart and chest from tests that I took earlier so we could go ahead with treatment today.
We took a brief lunch since we were to return at 2pm for a "teaching" session before proceeding to the actual treatment at 4pm--well, that's what they told us anyway. So of course, after asking two different people where we were supposed to check in, we finally get to the right place where I meet our nurse. She takes us to a room that has 4 pastel green vinyl reclining chairs, peptol bismol curtains, and beige everywhere else. I turned to Elt and vowed that if I were to win the lottery, I'd come back to renovate this atrocity. Where's the sounds of the tropical rainforest and dim lighting? While I strip the room with my eyes, she starts wrapping a towel around my arm, asking me how I'm doing, and I'm like, "Uhh...are we doing it right now? I thought this was a teaching time?" She's like, "Oh yeah, we bumped you up from 4pm. We usually just do the talk with you at the same time so don't worry." I take a second to wrap my brain around this and we go on with it like everything else this past week.
I was given 4 anti-nausea pills before we got started. For the first 4 cycles of treatment, I will be getting the AC drugs (the ones that cause nausea and hairloss). The first one gets injected into the IV by a 2 giant syringes filled with red kool-aid (yes, I was peeing kool-aid). The next drug was just given by an IV drip. Whole thing took abut 2 hours. I felt fine on the way home and ate some crackers but should've just eaten a hearty meal instead. By the time I got home and lay down to rest, I started feeling the nausea creep up. I was warned time and time again about keeping my stomach full, everything's a learning curve. I only got sick once which wasn't bad at all considering. I stayed in bed for a full day but today, I ate macaroni in soup and even got out around the house. After staying a full day and night at my aunt's place, Liam looked at me as if I was a huge lasagna and he was Garfield! He couldn't get enough of me so I can't last too long in bed, even if I wanted. Aidan seems to want a bit more attention today than usual but all is to be expected. I told him briefly today that I had a "bump" and I let him feel it. I told him the medicine was going to help make the bump smaller and that's why I was tired. He rolled around and went back to Ratatouille. The only real drama we had today was when the iPad was misplaced for 5 hours!
My family's been great helping this weekend and my mom came back today so it's going to be much easier with the cook in town. Thanks for the emails and texts.
J
A half hour break and we're back in another area of the building to meet my oncologist who switched offices from my last visit. She pops in to tell me that my CT scan was clear (yea, only cancer in the breast!!--As Jackie says, this is our twisted humour these days), and if I minded talking to her resident first. Of course, I had to remove my top yet again for the third time, cause who doesn't want to take a look?! So in our discussion with the resident, we find out that the handout that outlined my treatment was the WRONG handout given to me! The original 15 months of chemo that was in the handout should've been only 6 months! To give some background, my chemo cocktail is called ACD. However, they have two handouts, a ACD, and a ACDT. Well, tack on that T and it adds 9 months to the treatment so again, I celebrated, "Yea, only 6 months of chemo!!" So my oncologist said that everything looks well in my heart and chest from tests that I took earlier so we could go ahead with treatment today.
We took a brief lunch since we were to return at 2pm for a "teaching" session before proceeding to the actual treatment at 4pm--well, that's what they told us anyway. So of course, after asking two different people where we were supposed to check in, we finally get to the right place where I meet our nurse. She takes us to a room that has 4 pastel green vinyl reclining chairs, peptol bismol curtains, and beige everywhere else. I turned to Elt and vowed that if I were to win the lottery, I'd come back to renovate this atrocity. Where's the sounds of the tropical rainforest and dim lighting? While I strip the room with my eyes, she starts wrapping a towel around my arm, asking me how I'm doing, and I'm like, "Uhh...are we doing it right now? I thought this was a teaching time?" She's like, "Oh yeah, we bumped you up from 4pm. We usually just do the talk with you at the same time so don't worry." I take a second to wrap my brain around this and we go on with it like everything else this past week.
I was given 4 anti-nausea pills before we got started. For the first 4 cycles of treatment, I will be getting the AC drugs (the ones that cause nausea and hairloss). The first one gets injected into the IV by a 2 giant syringes filled with red kool-aid (yes, I was peeing kool-aid). The next drug was just given by an IV drip. Whole thing took abut 2 hours. I felt fine on the way home and ate some crackers but should've just eaten a hearty meal instead. By the time I got home and lay down to rest, I started feeling the nausea creep up. I was warned time and time again about keeping my stomach full, everything's a learning curve. I only got sick once which wasn't bad at all considering. I stayed in bed for a full day but today, I ate macaroni in soup and even got out around the house. After staying a full day and night at my aunt's place, Liam looked at me as if I was a huge lasagna and he was Garfield! He couldn't get enough of me so I can't last too long in bed, even if I wanted. Aidan seems to want a bit more attention today than usual but all is to be expected. I told him briefly today that I had a "bump" and I let him feel it. I told him the medicine was going to help make the bump smaller and that's why I was tired. He rolled around and went back to Ratatouille. The only real drama we had today was when the iPad was misplaced for 5 hours!
My family's been great helping this weekend and my mom came back today so it's going to be much easier with the cook in town. Thanks for the emails and texts.
J
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Week 1
What an exhausting week it has been! Actually, it hasn't even been a week yet since I was diagnosed but it feels like it has been much longer. First I did what I do best and got organized. We thought about the things that would make me most comfortable in preparation for treatment so we got an iPad, a flatscreen t.v. for our bedroom (long awaited purchase!), and wigs (which costs way more than the t.v., I might add). We also started the paperwork on our insurance claim for "critical illness" which was an extra option I ironically qualified for because I had a high health score. We are fortunate to have taken that option on our insurance since it will be a huge help financially and is one less thing to worry about.
I also had to do a bunch of tests like blood tests, a bone scan, and a ct scan, which check for further spread of the cancer. So far, the great news is that my blood work came back normal and the bones look good. My doctor is also sending my biopsy slides from RCH to the cancer agency to be reviewed by their pathologists for a second opinion as a precaution. Tomorrow I will see my oncologist at the cancer agency who will review all the tests and prepare me to start treatment. My first chemotherapy session is scheduled for the afternoon after my visit with the doctor. Although I am wrapping my brain about starting chemo tomorrow since I was expecting it to start Monday, I am ready to begin this journey.
Thank you for all the emails and words of encouragement.
J
Message to colleagues - Nov. 6
Hi Everyone,
First, I just want to thank everyone for the overwhelming welcome I received this week during my return to work. I have missed you all (not the work!) and coming back just reminds me of the great feeling of being part of a real team of not only coworkers, but friends. I was excited to come back only part time since my nightmares of carrying a watermelon in my belly and trying to unpack photocopy paper was still a bit fresh. The best part was missing out on team meetings AND staff meetings (no offense, KY)!! However, things have drastically changed for me in the past 48 hours and I am sorry that I will not be coming back after all.
On Friday morning, as some of you know, I abruptly left work in the morning. This was because I had received an urgent call from my doctor to see her immediately. I have had a large lump in my breast examined over the past month with scans and biopsies, and it has been confirmed that I have breast cancer. This news is very hard for me to tell since we have all just celebrated Jackie's news of such an incredible recovery and how could we come from such a high to such a low? In a span of 4 hours, I was diagnosed and sent to the cancer agency where I met my oncologist and was given the preliminary treatment plan and a tonne of information. I might start chemo as soon as this week after further testing.
I am over the initial shock of it all and today have started to tell family and friends. I have an incredible support system since I have a large extended family and Elt is not working (he was just given a year's severance--which he wanted so don't feel bad). I am moving forward now and focusing on what has to be done in the next year. I am fortunate to have two friends to call upon as resources--a good friend, Jenn, who has survived the exact cancer two years ago, and Jackie, both who have proven that cancer can be beat. I will take this one day at a time and look to my kids for inspiration as well as distraction!
Please do not feel that you have to "do" anything. I know how much everyone cares and I felt the love last week when I saw all of you. Just keep the positive thoughts flowing.
Love, J
First, I just want to thank everyone for the overwhelming welcome I received this week during my return to work. I have missed you all (not the work!) and coming back just reminds me of the great feeling of being part of a real team of not only coworkers, but friends. I was excited to come back only part time since my nightmares of carrying a watermelon in my belly and trying to unpack photocopy paper was still a bit fresh. The best part was missing out on team meetings AND staff meetings (no offense, KY)!! However, things have drastically changed for me in the past 48 hours and I am sorry that I will not be coming back after all.
On Friday morning, as some of you know, I abruptly left work in the morning. This was because I had received an urgent call from my doctor to see her immediately. I have had a large lump in my breast examined over the past month with scans and biopsies, and it has been confirmed that I have breast cancer. This news is very hard for me to tell since we have all just celebrated Jackie's news of such an incredible recovery and how could we come from such a high to such a low? In a span of 4 hours, I was diagnosed and sent to the cancer agency where I met my oncologist and was given the preliminary treatment plan and a tonne of information. I might start chemo as soon as this week after further testing.
I am over the initial shock of it all and today have started to tell family and friends. I have an incredible support system since I have a large extended family and Elt is not working (he was just given a year's severance--which he wanted so don't feel bad). I am moving forward now and focusing on what has to be done in the next year. I am fortunate to have two friends to call upon as resources--a good friend, Jenn, who has survived the exact cancer two years ago, and Jackie, both who have proven that cancer can be beat. I will take this one day at a time and look to my kids for inspiration as well as distraction!
Please do not feel that you have to "do" anything. I know how much everyone cares and I felt the love last week when I saw all of you. Just keep the positive thoughts flowing.
Love, J
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