I guess some of you have been wondering about how I have been doing since the last treatment but it's taken me some time to write about it because once I feel better after a few days, I don't think much of it anymore. My chemo was in the afternoon and I chowed down before treatment and ate 3 bowls of congee (not at the same time!) when I came home. The nausea wasn't as bad as the first time since I was able to eat something afterwards but I still did feel pretty nauseated--it just started later. I only vomited once and then went to bed for the night around 11pm. The next morning I was already feeling so much better and could have the usual soup to ease the stomach. The recovery process was about the same amount of time and by the 5th day, I was feeling normal again. Since then, I have just been busy with the usual holiday stuff of Xmas shopping, seeing friends, and going out. Normal life has to return quickly because the 5 days I am in bed, Elt has 3 kids to look after including me (the worst kid ever) and I know the strain it has on him. I know my requests for drinks and having food reheated can only last so long before he notices I am more capable, hehe.
We did start the injections and my poor sis couldn't help but let out a little gasp when she saw that the syringes were just normal ones and not the short needles she was used to with the gestational diabetes. We watched a little "how to" video on the computer, the nurse reviewed the process, and then my sis did it. Not really bad, just like any flu shot but I have to have one every couple days--7 times total for each chemo cycle. We laugh every time we do it because we try to pick the least painful spot which they recommend around the belly button area (has most fat), but a little pinch is unavoidable. I'm a guinea pig at times, trying different spots and techniques (faster/slower) to see which hurt the least. By the time we get the hang of it, we won't have to do it anymore! I know I'm just being a big baby about it but it's just that I hate needles and it's NOT my cup of tea.
Our appointment with the genetic counsellor was really interesting so if anyone would like more information about that, let me know. The results will take two months, not three, and I will only have a 10% chance of being a carrier of a mutated gene. The results will impact my decision on the mastectomy but most importantly, on whether or not I will need to remove my ovaries since having the gene would predispose me to ovarian cancer by 45%. Ovarian cancer is very hard to detect and there is no screening test for it so removal of the ovaries would be an option for the future.
I have gotten used to wearing hats in public and prefer not to use the wig (don't mention to Elt!) The half wig is made of synthetic material and can get super hot around the neck. I can't get used to the bangs on the regular wig so if I was going to put a hat over it anyway, I might as well not wear it. When I am at home, I always wear a hat because otherwise it feels like my hair is wet or something--very breezy up there. My hair is so short, it doesn't come out very much in my hat unless I am showering so there is no mess. I am glad I cut it when I did and haven't regretted it since.
Many people ask me how I am doing and seem concerned even when I tell them I am doing fine. Maybe it doesn't seem as if it should be that "easy" but truthfully, I don't have any negative thoughts. I don't focus on whether the tumor feels smaller or whether my hair has completely fallen out yet. It's more of a passing thought like "Oh yeah, I have a horseshoe thing going on my scalp now!" I'm definitely more preoccupied with day-to-day things with the family and am more appreciative of every little moment that I feel great and can do what I want. It sucks to have to lay in bed and have the kids come to me but at the same time, I know that I will feel better the next day so I just look forward to that. Once I feel better within that week of chemo, all the side effects go away and stay away.
My next treatment is Xmas eve which isn't ideal to say the least but I will be celebrating a day earlier since the kids have no clue about dates anyway. Although I will miss Boxing Day shopping (the saddest part of all), I am not bummed out about it because I feel so grateful for all the generosity I have received in the past two months from friends and family. I am guilty for the attention because I feel good for the most part yet the cancer perks keep coming! I know that a major part of my positive mental health is due to all the support that I have and I want to thank everybody again for being there for us. This has definitely been a group effort and I won't ever forget your kindness.
Happy holidays and wishes for good health in 2011!
Love, J
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Doctor's Visit
I had a routine visit with my oncologist today to test my white cell blood count (level of immunity) before chemo tomorrow. She said my cells were a bit low at 1.2 instead of the 1.5 minimum. This has no bearing on me receiving the chemo itself so we will go ahead as scheduled tomorrow. However, it does means that I will be needing self-administered injections starting 5 days after chemo to boost my bone marrow to produce more white blood cells. The chemo drugs lower your white blood cells so the doctor wants to make sure there will be high enough levels for the next round. The drug costs $150/injection so for this cycle, it would cost $1050! Don't worry, it should all be covered by extended health so we won't have to pay for it. Whew! I hate needles so I definitely won't be injecting myself and will leave it up to my sis who had the pleasure of using needles during her gestational diabetes earlier this year.
My doctor felt the tumor and didn't feel there was a huge difference in size. She said it was not unusual for my type of breast cancer and that as long it was not growing, we were making progress. She felt like the tumor was a bit more moveable but this could be due to the fact that in my last visit, I still had milk in them. It has even been hard for me to tell if the tumor has shrunk because the milk pushed it more to the surface, but I do know that it has not gotten bigger.
The other thing we talked about today was the mastectomy--single or double. The surgeon had already discussed this with me before and said that the cure was in the chemo treatment, not the mastectomy. She said a double mastectomy in my case would be more of a personal choice, rather than a necessity. People that get double masectomies either have a strong family history of breast cancer or they carried a mutated gene that predisposed them to the cancer. Genetic testing is a long process (3 months for results), is only available for certain patients, and has a waiting list. Since I am under 35 years old (which they consider unusual), I qualify to have the test done. My oncologist told me she would expedite the request for the test since I will be making a very important decision based on the results. To my surprise, I got a call within 4 hours of leaving the office and was booked an appointment for tomorrow noon!
So it will be quite a long day tomorrow out in the west side. I have a two hour break in between appointments so I will eat a hearty meal before and after chemo and hope I do better this time.
J
My doctor felt the tumor and didn't feel there was a huge difference in size. She said it was not unusual for my type of breast cancer and that as long it was not growing, we were making progress. She felt like the tumor was a bit more moveable but this could be due to the fact that in my last visit, I still had milk in them. It has even been hard for me to tell if the tumor has shrunk because the milk pushed it more to the surface, but I do know that it has not gotten bigger.
The other thing we talked about today was the mastectomy--single or double. The surgeon had already discussed this with me before and said that the cure was in the chemo treatment, not the mastectomy. She said a double mastectomy in my case would be more of a personal choice, rather than a necessity. People that get double masectomies either have a strong family history of breast cancer or they carried a mutated gene that predisposed them to the cancer. Genetic testing is a long process (3 months for results), is only available for certain patients, and has a waiting list. Since I am under 35 years old (which they consider unusual), I qualify to have the test done. My oncologist told me she would expedite the request for the test since I will be making a very important decision based on the results. To my surprise, I got a call within 4 hours of leaving the office and was booked an appointment for tomorrow noon!
So it will be quite a long day tomorrow out in the west side. I have a two hour break in between appointments so I will eat a hearty meal before and after chemo and hope I do better this time.
J
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
G.I. Jess
So I took took the plunge today and cut off all my hair. My hairdresser was generous enough to offer her services so of course I took the opportunity to have a professional do it. It was definitely not as simple as I imagined it to be since she took the time to trim down my hair first before using the buzzer. I'm not completely bald because you would need a razor to do that, but there's short stubble all over. I don't think we could've done it ourselves (and understandably, Elt was not up to the challenge) so thanks, Sue!
Since my last blog entry I had lost about half my hair. I could've still wore it out no problem since you couldn't really tell unless you lifted up the sides. I guess even though I was avoiding it, I wanted to do it before Friday's treatment because I would be in bed when the rest of hair would come out anyway. I didn't even wash it the past few days because there was no point in making matters worse. Also, I clipped it up to keep it less messy since it was hard to keep Liam's hands out of it when I held him. I was like Charlie Brown's tree where every little bump would create a pile of needles.
So how does it feel? Well, the whole thing was rather anti-climatic. It didn't make me upset at all like I thought and it's just a new me that I have to get used to. I have been wearing a cap at night to keep the hair in place so we are all used to how I look in it. Without the cap, I will admit I look a lot tougher than before and I'm sure if I put on some camouflage, people would not mess with me! My head feels like the soft side of velcro when I run my hands through it. Aidan was there the whole time and he didn't seem upset or scared. I don't know what he thinks about it but I had mentioned the wig and cutting my hair over the past couple of weeks so he was expecting it to happen. Liam gave me wide eyes when I took my cap off to remove the wig, but when I put my cap back on, he was okay. Elt really likes how it looks and actually prefers me without a wig or cap. Although losing hair is the most physical sign of cancer, it is the least painful. Other side effects of chemo are worse and have longer effects so I am more concerned about those. The good news is that my showers will be down to 3 minutes, and we'll be saving a lot on shampoo and electricity from hair drying and straightening!
Early tomorrow morning I go in for testing and then see my oncologist for a report on the progress of the first treatment, so keep your fingers crossed.
J
Since my last blog entry I had lost about half my hair. I could've still wore it out no problem since you couldn't really tell unless you lifted up the sides. I guess even though I was avoiding it, I wanted to do it before Friday's treatment because I would be in bed when the rest of hair would come out anyway. I didn't even wash it the past few days because there was no point in making matters worse. Also, I clipped it up to keep it less messy since it was hard to keep Liam's hands out of it when I held him. I was like Charlie Brown's tree where every little bump would create a pile of needles.
So how does it feel? Well, the whole thing was rather anti-climatic. It didn't make me upset at all like I thought and it's just a new me that I have to get used to. I have been wearing a cap at night to keep the hair in place so we are all used to how I look in it. Without the cap, I will admit I look a lot tougher than before and I'm sure if I put on some camouflage, people would not mess with me! My head feels like the soft side of velcro when I run my hands through it. Aidan was there the whole time and he didn't seem upset or scared. I don't know what he thinks about it but I had mentioned the wig and cutting my hair over the past couple of weeks so he was expecting it to happen. Liam gave me wide eyes when I took my cap off to remove the wig, but when I put my cap back on, he was okay. Elt really likes how it looks and actually prefers me without a wig or cap. Although losing hair is the most physical sign of cancer, it is the least painful. Other side effects of chemo are worse and have longer effects so I am more concerned about those. The good news is that my showers will be down to 3 minutes, and we'll be saving a lot on shampoo and electricity from hair drying and straightening!
Early tomorrow morning I go in for testing and then see my oncologist for a report on the progress of the first treatment, so keep your fingers crossed.
J
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