Recovery has been slow and it has been hard to just sit on butt while everyone else whizzes around me. I don't really feel any pain except in my right arm which has limited movement but my entire abdomen is still very tight and uncomfortable. Only just this past week I have been getting back to doing some light housework and driving (although not lifting yet). I also started physiotherapy this week to work on my arm which I am excited about because I feel physically ready to push myself whereas before I was nursing all my injuries. Right now my arm only has half the flexibility it used to so I am eager get it all back soon. I have seen all my doctors for followups and they have been impressed with how the scars have healed. After a closer look, I actually only have one lower stomach scar as my surgeon was able to go over the old c-section scar. Most remarkable is the fact that there are no visible stitches since all of the stitches are underneath the skin and will dissolve over time. Besides a low fever I had one night due to a bug I caught rather than an infection, everything has been going as expected.
Last week, I received my pathology report from the surgery which include details on all the tests they conducted on what was taken out. Although the tumour was still 8cm in diameter, only 2cm of it had cancer because most of it was scar tissue and fibrosis that was a result of all the treatment I had. The surgeon took out a margin of tissue around the tumour which also tested negative for cancer. I had 19 lymph nodes removed and 5 of them were positive. So all in all, I am CANCER FREE and just have to focus on recovering.
So you may be wondering why it took me so long to tell everyone this great news which I should be shouting from the rooftops? Well, it's hard to explain but I had to process what that really meant for us. In the report, I also found out that the cancer tested differently. I originally was estrogen positive (which can be treated with hormones for 5 years and lowers recurrence rates) but when it tested this time, it was negative. This puts me in the category of having what is termed "triple negative" which is more aggressive type of breast cancer and therefore does not end the fight for me. My doctor still wants me to take the hormone as a precaution since the type of cancer I have sometimes tests positive for estrogen. In the end, I was fortunate to have the cancer contained and therefore taken out.
So the next step...as the doctor said, "Find your new normal." Just getting back into the swing of things and taking it one step at a time. This is the toughest phase of all survivors because you actually have the time to reflect on what has actually happened whereas during treatment, you just focus on the task at hand. The threat of a recurrence will always be present but I have started making lifestyle changes to my diet and will continue to stay positive. Elt has worked the hardest out of anybody in this journey and the best thing about everything coming to an end is to just give him a break and to give him time to refocus his energies on himself. He left his job to explore a new career and instead spent the year taking care of his family. I absolutely could not have done this without him being there every step of the way (literally not missed an appointment) so I thank him from the bottom of my heart. For the rest of my friends and family, my gratitude for all your support and love cannot be expressed. I am overwhelmed to think about it and it has taught me to live a life without bitterness or regret and I am thankful for this experience.
In 8 months...30+ Doctor appointments, 35 Treatments, and 65 needles.
Yes, we did f#%k cancer!
Lots of love, J
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